I have always been a pretty mixed up kid. Perhaps it was my non exposure to healthy coping mechanisms, my lack of parental guidance in showing my emotions, or maybe its just in my nature. I was often told I was pretty, Id say "no I'm not!" (That's what you're supposed to say when someone gives you a compliment right?). At some point in my growth of emotional intelligence I realized that deflecting a compliment was seen as attention seeking. It was saying "give me more compliments so I will feel good". I strive to not be attention seeking. I know, that may be hard to believe when you see some of the choices I've made in my life, it is, however, true. So I changed my response to praise. When someone told me I was pretty I started saying "Thank you". This newly found skill was absolutely amazing. I love how a person's face lights up as I actually turn, look at them, smile, and acknowledge the compliment.
There are times in life this isn't easy, I have had moments when I was barely hanging on by a thread, usually in a social situation, or when I was fighting with someone, a friend would show up and try to comfort me. With a sense of panic I would whisper. "don't be nice to me I cant handle it".
Even now as an adult I constantly question myself. How am I supposed to react? How do I show my humbleness and still accept a compliment with poise? How do I show my appreciation, and that I'm listening, even if I don't agree with someone's compliments? One of my worst fears is that I am manipulating people into seeing me as something I'm not. I want to be real, I want people to know I am real. I want to show I'm listening, and that I validate other's realness.
Thank you. Still the best response I can find.
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