My grandmother's voice drowns out all hope of hearing the voice of God. This may seem silly.
Have you ever walked in to a room and forgotten what you came for? The moment of bewilderment causes panic in me. Was it important? I look around helplessly trying to find something to remind me of what I came for. Can you imagine feeling like that constantly? You go to the bathroom, and can't remember you needed to pee. Or how to pee. Or why your bladder is hurting. This is how I imagine life is for grandma. So I don't get frustrated with her for the words. "I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go." My grandpa gets upset. He wants to help her. He tries everything, kissing, hugging, giving her something to do, comforting her.
When Grandpa leaves its worse. I pretty much have to stay with her, holding her hand,reminding her where grandpa went. This morning was like every other time.I was in my room reading my Bible when grandpa announced he'd be right back. I quickly moved myself out to the couch. I sat and tried to do my devotional, praying reading proverbs.
Within minutes my eyes slowly rose from the page as if of their own free will, my face cemented toward my Bible, my grandma's words..."I don't know what to do I don't know where to go."
"Try not to worry grandma" I said, in my sweetest sing-song voice (grandma doesn't like being told what to do)."I'm right here for you, I wont leave you alone. Grandpa will be right back."
"OK," she says "thank you for telling me" ...her face lighting up, I love her smile. I look down at the page and start reading again.... not one verse goes by, "I don't know what to do I don't know where to go."
Deep breath. I look on my phone for a Pandora station of southern gospel she might like. "do you like the music grandma? They are playing your favorite song" as The Oakridge Boys play Amazing Grace. Her face lights up again and she says "oh yes".
Go back to reading
"I don't know what to do I don't know where to go"
Oh boy.
Lord. I get it. I am so silly. and you are so patient, Please Lord help me to be at peace. Help me to stop my worry from drowning out your voice. Haven't I learned by now? 38 years old? When I walk into that room in life and forget what I came for... Please strengthen my resolve to be at peace. When I start to panic, let the knowledge that I am exactly where I am supposed to be just wash over me and extinguish the panic. You are so amazing, Lord.
When family members try and give me praise for my patience with grandma, and my tenacity, let them see your grace Lord, not mine.
Does she like the book of Ruth? You could make that your book with her. Where she goes, you'll go. Remind her that you are her Ruth and she is your Naomi. Read it with her when she is worried, and remember where YOU go, he goes.
ReplyDeleteLet it be well with your soul.