If I had told you then......

 Once upon a time all I wanted was to get home to my kids. I was lost so far from them and I didn't know how to get back.  I had begged and plead with family members to take me in, I was lost. I answered an ad for a research study. I was to wear a cast on my leg and I would get paid. When the researcher came to put the cast on and heard my story he made me a deal. Wear the cast for 7 weeks, I will pay you half the money up front and you move back to your kids.  I cried. I was so incredibly happy. That night a friend invited me on a Scooter ride to see the sunset. Thinking only of adventure as I usually am, I happily climbed on, with not one but two casts on. Things went ok until we were almost back, I leaned to talk and as we took off at the green light my toe dragged across the asphalt.

Ive rarely felt pain that bad. "Is my toe still there??" I yelled...too scared to look. It was, but it there was a huge chunk missing.

There had been only one rule when it came to the casts. Don't get hurt.

Steve, my researcher, came to check on me the next day.  I had done my best to clean up the injury, never the less it was obvious. He looked down in dismay,  shoulders and face visibly dropping in disappointment. "I'm  going to have to take it off or your toe won't heal. " My heart has never sunk so quickly in all my 37 years.

The next day Steve came back. He asked me a question: "If I had told you that if you went on that Scooter you may not get home to your kids would you have gone?"

"No way" i managed to say, in my memory it was only a whispe. Gulping back tears. "That's called Self discipline". Steve said.

See it's not hard to make those life changing decisions after the fact. Would my father have committed the crime that cost him 8 years of freedom? No way.

He ended up putting a new cast on and i am now "home" with my kids. But it got me thinking. We don't always know that a moment or a decision or a whim is pivotal until it's too late. Or even worse, We don't learn our lesson the first time and repeat the same mistake again!

I thought Self discipline was being able to quick smoking cigarettes, get up and go to work, but the "ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite the temptation to abandon it"? This is profound people! I now knew what Self discipline was and I had to have it! It's not an easy thing, even for me, and I pride myself on my strength through adversity and willingness to learn. But I'm trying. Just a little more thinking things through and a little more prioritizing. No need to predict the future just a quick potential gains vs losses and a deep breathe, a little patience, and tenacity.

Now to share my new found way of life with the world, without seeming preachy.

Let me ask you this though; if I had told you then.....  ?

self-dis·ci·pline

ˈˌself ˈdisiplin/

noun

1. the ability to control one's feelings and overcome one's weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.

   synonyms:

   self-control;  restraint, self-restraint, self-command; willpower, purposefulness,strong-mindedness, resolve,moral fiber;  doggedness,persistence, determination, grit